Your Kid’s Not Going Pro

A Youth Sports Blog

How can you say you’re not responsible?

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Before my wife and I married, we went to a weekend retreat, a crash course in Pre-Cana the Catholic Archdiocese of Indianapolis calls Tobit. In Tobit, you and your intended participate in various activites designed to show you if you are ready to be united as responsible Catholics. One of the activities was something my wife and I liked to call “Catholic Newlywed Game.” You each were given a list of questions, then sent to separate rooms to answer them, and then sent back together to compare answers. (In private, not with Father Bob Eubanks.) You didn’t have to be Catholic, as I wasn’t, to figure out the correct dogmatic answer to every question. For example:

How many children do you want?
A. None
B. One or two
C. Three or four
D. As many as God provides

bobeubanks11

Where is the strangest place you’ve ever made whoopee, for procreational purposes only within the bounds of holy matrimony?

I was reminded of the obviousness of Catholic Newlywed Game when I started taking the quizzes offered on the Responsible Sports site.

It’s pretty clear that anything calling itself “Responsible Sports” is not for swearing a blue streak at a ref who fails to call traveling in a third-grade basketball game. It becomes abundantly clear when you see the sponsors involved, particularly the Positive Coaching Alliance, which is not for swearing a blue streak at a player who gets called for traveling in a third-grade basketball game.

The quizzes are under the headings of “Responsible Coach” and “Responsible Parent.” Even if you have no idea what a Tank Filler is or how you get to the Winners Circle, and I certainly don’t, you can probably figure out the correct answer to a question like this:

Focusing solely on the scoreboard tends to increase an athlete’s:
A. Points
B. Effort
C. Concentration
D. Anxiety

In the right kid, the answer could be all of the above!

Or how about this one:

Targeted cheering includes:

A. Cheering only when your team wins
B. Cheering only when your child performs well
C. Cheering when an official’s call goes against your child’s team
D. Cheering for opponents when they perform well

Well, to be fair, A, B and C do focus on, um, targets.

So get your spouse, take a weekend, and take the quiz. Like with Tobit, you can be sure a correct answer will never be, “in the butt.”

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