Your Kid’s Not Going Pro

A Youth Sports Blog

California softball star's suicide stuns her community

with 5 comments

Whenever I see stories of high-achieving people inexplicably killing themselves, I think of two people: Richard Cory, and Kathy Ormsby.

From the Orange County Register:

Nadia Brianne Matthews [known as “Bri”] had a glowing future.

The sophomore star softball pitcher at Mater Dei High School in Santa Ana had verbally committed to play for the University of Arizona, and had a sense of confidence, grace and warmth that went beyond her 16 years, friends say.

Her suicide Thursday at her Anaheim home has shocked and devastated relatives, friends and teachers and coaches who saw in her amazing talent and promise – a nice girl who could put a smile on anyone’s face. …

The coroner Friday afternoon ruled the manner of death suicide, “by ligature hanging.” …

[Nadia] Martinez said her daughter had a 4.0 GPA and had dreams of becoming a neonatologist.

One of the most awful things about suicide is it often comes with no warning. Bri’s family will probably never be able to answer the question, why?

The reason I think of Richard Cory is because he is the title character of Edwin Arlington Robinson’s 1897 poem about a beautiful, tragic figure. I remember reading this poem in grade school, and it hit me pretty hard and has always stuck with me, maybe it’s because it’s the first work that opened my eyes to the idea that you never quite knew what was going on inside the heads and hearts of those who seemed to be well. The last line, which comes out of nowhere, symbolizes the shock anyone feels when a loved one commits suicide — even for me, when I had a friend kill himself at 15, a friend who gave ample warning (what I considered ample — others did not ) of what he was going to do.

The poem, in its entirety:

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
“Good-morning,” and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich—yes, richer than a king,
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.

[youtubevid id=”euuCiSY0qYs”]

You might recall Simon & Garfunkel’s rewrite of Richard Cory.

The reason I think of Kathy Ormsby because I was in attendance at the 1986 NCAA track and field championships in Indianapolis — the event where the North Carolina State 10,000-meter runner split from the track mid-race to jump off a bridge over the nearby White River in an attempt to kill herself.

Instead, she was left paralyzed from just above the waist down. A lot of coverage at the time focused on how Ormsby, a high school valedictorian and premed student, was extremely driven and put a ton of pressure on herself to succeed, with the implication that might somehow have been behind her suicide attempt. From the New York Times, circa 1986:

Mitch Shoffner, the head of the social studies department at the high school, taught her world history and coached her in volleyball in the 10th grade.

”I know that she’s always driven herself very, very hard,” he said. ”She’s not the type of person who can accept second best for herself. If there’s any pressure, Kathy was putting it on herself. She’s always been very much of a perfectionist.”

Later, Ormsby did cite fear of failing her coaches and parents as to why she tried to kill herself.

”One time, I got on the volleyball team for not practicing hard enough, and she broke down and cried. Most of the girls just got mad. She was very, very serious about everything she did.”

Later, Ormsby indeed did cite fear of failing her coaches and parents as to why she tried to kill herself, and in later interviews said she had a panic attack and never intended to kill herself. (Ormsby is now an occupational therapist in Wilmington, N.C. — I believe her photo is the top one on the blog post here.)

Do Richard Cory or Kathy Ormsby give any indication as to why Bri Matthews, who seemingly had the world at her feet, decided she could no longer live? No. But they’re all unfortunate examples that suicide, and whatever is behind it, can affect seemingly the most successful among us.

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5 Responses

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  1. Feeling lost, misunderstood and alone contributes to suicide. Material success has very little to do with it.

    scottchaffee

    February 27, 2010 at 11:40 am

  2. What is especially troublesome is that suicide is contagious, and press reports rather than reporting a tragic death frequently also enable the next one. Guidelines, and links to guidelines, for how not to contribute to suicide contagion is at Suicide prevention: Words can kill .

    The National Suicide Hotline is 1-800-784-2433

    Todd Essig

    February 27, 2010 at 1:39 pm

  3. I think at some point in all our lives we have a brush with suicide. When I was a teenager, there was one summer during which three friends all died. Two suicides. One drug overdose. No one truly knows why any of them took their lives but the saddest thing was the transference of pain from the person who took their life to the people who had to deal with the suicide.

    Nick Obourn

    February 27, 2010 at 3:27 pm

  4. No doubt, Nick. I was into my 30s and still having dreams about trying to prevent my friend from killing himself.

    Bob Cook

    February 27, 2010 at 6:55 pm

  5. I live in a town 10 minutes away from Palo Alto, CA in which four teenagers from the same high school stepped in front of trains within a span of about three months last year. While I can’t begin to imagine the grief their families must be experiencing and the search for answers, I can tell you that the pressure to be perfect–perfect athletes, perfect students, perfect community leaders, and perfect looking–is monumental for our kids today. Some kids thrive on competition of any kind, and others just don’t. And if any of them have undiagnosed depression or anxiety, it’s a complete recipe for disaster.

    I don’t know what the answer is other than not to over-schedule kids and allow them to breathe once in awhile. But to just shrug our shoulders and think it couldn’t happen to us is just plain denial.

    inmyhumbleopinion

    February 28, 2010 at 12:05 am


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