Middle school cracks down on football players who don’t respect sanctity of dead squirrels
Now if I found out my son was messing with a dead squirrel, once I was assured he wasn’t having sex with it, I would bring him to the doctor for whatever shots you get for messing with a dead squirrel. However, I would be a bit shocked if messing with a dead squirrel led to his dismissal from his favorite extracurricular activity (that didn’t involve messing with a dead squirrel).
North Branch (Mich.) Middle School, however, countenances no messing with a dead squirrel. From NBC25 in Clio, Mich. (outside of Flint, if you must know):
It all started last week. Fourteen year old Gabe Wells says he and his teammates were walking back to the school building after football practice. He saw a dead squirrel in the parking lot that he says had been there for some time.
“I told my coach, ‘Hey, my mom made you dinner,’” says Gabe.
He says his coach laughed and continued on his way. Gabe says he and his team mates kept joking.
Gabe says he saw a Subway bag, tied it around the coach’s “dinner”, then used it to tie the squirrel to a nearby tree. He then picked a cigarette butt up off the ground and put it in the squirrel’s mouth, saying, “That is what happens when you smoke, you die.”
That night he even made a post on facebook about it, telling facebook friends he wanted to send the message out, don’t smoke. He even picked on his father for being a smoker.
The next day Gabe says he got a surprise, when the principal called him down to the office. He says he spent most of the there, missing class and lunch, after being told he was in trouble for his incident with the squirrel.
The principal accused Gabe of gross misconduct, no pun intended. Gabe’s mother told NBC25 that she was told her son could be suspended from the team for this year, and next year, be suspended from school, and charged with animal abuse. You’d think Gabe had had sex with a live squirrel, for all the outrage. Does PETA protest for abuses to animals previously killed by natural causes and/or when they were run over in the parking lot?
Gabe’s parents knew what to do: alert the media. Gabe’s father dialed up Clio, Mich., and got NBC25 on the phone, and on the case.
NBC25 called the superintendent’s office. Superintendent Tom English said he knew a dead squirrel had been tied in a tree, an inappropriate incident that other students had to witness, but he was not completely aware of the resulting discipline.
He called back a short time later and said the school had decided all ten students at first believed to be involved would not be in trouble. Only four of them would face consequences for their actions with the squirrel, including Gabe Wells. They would not be suspended or face charges, but they would be missing the last football game of the season.
Justice is served. And so, apparently if Gabe is around, is squirrel.