Your Kid’s Not Going Pro

A Youth Sports Blog

Posts Tagged ‘coach abuse

You can't spell 'abusive sports parents' without U.S.

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A survey of horrid sports parent behavior confirms a point of American pride. Yet it also portends a threat to it from a country already taking our tech support jobs and, apparently with them, our dominance at yelling “fuck you” at a referee, especially after special dialect training.

The Reuters poll asked 23,351 adults in 22 countries if a) they had even been to a kids’ sporting events and b) if they had even seen parents become verbally or physically abusive toward coaches or officials. (Left unasked was how many of those adults were pedos cruising the sidelines.) The poll found 37% of adults attended children’s sporting events, and the most abusive nation was:

U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A.!

Sixty percent of the adults who attended kids’ sporting events in the United States agreed with the statement that they had seen physical and verbal abuse at those games. And I know you share my reaction: only 60 percent?

And who is profanely nipping at America’s heels? India!

Can you believe 59 percent of adults in India said they witnessed physical and verbal abuse at coaches and referees? First India takes our jobs, and now it takes our awful spectating habits? So when do you start serving your kids shitty hot dogs and Capri-Sun after games, India?

Italy (55 percent), Argentina (54 percent), Australia (53 percent) and Canada (5o percent) are also coming close to the United States, as well.

What this means, my fellow Americans, is that if we want to keep our dominance in something, for once, it’s time to get serious. I mean, fucking serious, or I’ll kick your fucking ass.

If we as a nation want to keep our title of Craziest Sports Parents, we have to step up our games. Get more obscene! Punch the coach! Slap the ump! Beat your children! What are you, a fucking pansy? You want fucking INDIA to be crazier than us? Things have gotten so bad in this country, we’re going to start OUTSOURCING throwing shit at the coach?

That’s bad enough, but if this keeps up, someday we’re going to be out-crazied by Canada. Canada! But Canadians are so polite! You’re going to let yourself be outcrazied by someone who yells, “Stick that call up your ass! Please?”

Over the years, America has lost a lot that has made her great. Don’t lose her ability to make her children shamed with embarrassment on the field of play.

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Written by rkcookjr

April 8, 2010 at 12:24 am

Coach chucks volleyball at player during game

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“Boy, I love to compete. … I always have. I love having the opportunity to teach the game and instill a passion for it in young people. I try to let the girls see how important the game is to me. I coach with a lot of energy and fire and I think it’s catchy.” — Eric Maxwell, girls volleyball coach at Southern Regional High School, Manahawkin, N.J., to the Asbury Park Press on Dec. 12, 2009.

“Eric Maxwell patrols up and down the sidelines at Southern Regional with the fury of a drill sergeant. Calling play formations, barking out instructions and questioning calls, when Maxwell is at the top of his lungs, chances are Southern Regional is at the top of its game. ‘I am an extremely competitive person. I want to win. I want to put the team in a position to win. I want to do all I can to give them the opportunity for success.’ ” — “Maxwell takes it to the Max,” profile in The Star Ledger (Newark, N.J.) for its high school coach of the week series, April 24, 2008.

Coach Maxwell, you might want to dial that passion and fire down just a skosh. And remember that someone is always recording your games.

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(Hat tip to for finding the video, and reporting that the coach got a red card during the game, but was not ejected. And he still, presumably, has his job.)

Written by rkcookjr

January 6, 2010 at 11:12 am