Sports parenting trends for 2010 (Not! Not! Not! and Hot! Hot! Hot!)

If it’s year-end, then that means the turn of the calendar instantly makes passe some of the activities you participated in so intensely over the past 12 months. Mainly, that’s because we in the media (I think I count) needs some space-filler at year’s end, and a new way to sell you old things, so that’s why it’s time for the official Your Kid’s Not Going Pro Not! Not! Not! and Hot! Hot! Hot! Sports Parenting Trends for 2010.

How do I know what makes the official Your Kid’s Not Going Pro Not! Not! Not! and Hot! Hot! Hot! Sports Parenting Trends for 2010? The same way everyone else makes their lists — by looking at what appears to be hot in 2009, and declaring the opposite so for 2010. (See, I even put not before hot — opposites!) And, to be really witty, making just a slight twist to what was hot, enough that you can do mostly the same thing but can feel bad for not doing it in the right frame of mind. In other words, I pull them out of my ass.

The list:

Not! Not! Not!: Helicopter parenting — Hot! Hot! Hot!: F-16 parenting

Not! Not! Not!: Yelling at your kid’s coach — Hot! Hot! Hot!: Making nasty comments about your kid’s coach in your Facebook status update

Not! Not! Not!: Win at all costs — Hot! Hot! Hot!: Win at a discount (we’re in a recession, you know)

Not! Not! Not!: Tommy John surgery for your overworked 14-year-old — Hot! Hot! Hot!: Drool cup for your multiply concussed 14-year-old

Not! Not! Not!: Every kid gets a trophy — Hot! Hot! Hot!: Every kid gets creatine

Not! Not! Not!: Cities using youth sports as an economic development tool — Hot! Hot! Hot!: Cities using illegal child labor as an economic development tool

Not! Not! Not!: Coaches getting arrested for fondling players — Hot! Hot! Hot!: Coaches getting arrested for selling drugs to players, then fondling them

Not! Not! Not!: Spending lots of money on your kids’ traveling teams — Hot! Hot! Hot!: Picking just one kid for the travel team, then spending all your money on him or her (we’re in a recession, you know)

Not! Not! Not!: Positive reinforcement — Hot! Hot! Hot!: Neglect

Not! Not! Not!: Sports leagues for 3- and 4-year-olds — Hot! Hot! Hot!: Sports leagues for prenatals

Not! Not! Not!: Childhood obesity — Hot! Hot! Hot!: Childhood morbid obesity

Not! Not! Not!: Paying user fees for school sports — Hot! Hot! Hot!: Saving your money for club sports (we’re in a recession, you know)